How Disrespect Limits Your Success
Oh yeah, it’s time to talk about manners. Why? Because when it comes to your development as a player and as a person, manners and respect matter - BIG TIME.
And I’m not just talking about how you treat your opponents. I’m also talking about how you treat yourself.
Whether you realize it or not, there’s a ton of energy in what you think, speak and the way that you act. You’ll find volumes and volumes of books on the power of our thoughts, but the one common theme you’ll find in all of them is this:
Our thoughts, words and actions are entirely under our control
That means that this energy is also entirely under our control. The energy you choose to create by the things you think and say impacts your perception of others, of yourself and of the world around you. That perception affects your decisions and propels your very next thoughts and actions. Whether you’re in the middle of a match, writing an email, driving to work, jogging, you name it - your energy and perception are going to massively impact how you perform that action, and how you respond to external stimuli.
Fundamentally, negative energy typically generates undesirable feelings and results, while positive energy empowers you to create desirable feelings and results. So when you’re disrespectful, whether towards someone else, towards yourself, in your head or out loud, you’re actually embracing and generating a potent dose of negative energy.
And in MTG, negative energy always impacts your gameplay. It clouds your decision making and dilutes your focus, resulting in less than optimal play and unnecessary losses. When it goes unchecked, it results in massive losing streaks. Ever have those days on Arena when you lose 8 or 9 matches in a row? I can assure you that negative energy within you had something to do with it.
To further explore this concept in relation to MTG, I’d like to acknowledge a few important points:
#1: For the most part, the MTG community is at a minimum, generally respectful. More often than not, most players choose to behave like decent, friendly adults, regardless of whether they’re winning or losing. Others are super personable. A select few may even step outside to get a breather or call it a day when they feel themselves tilting. They understand that negativity is a slippery slope that can hinder their progress and enjoyment of the game, and they know how to get off of it.
#2: There will always be villains. We all have at least one or two people at our LGS that are always complete jerks, to put it lightly. My friend likes to call them villains, and for better or for worse, they’ll always exist. These are the folks who love to ride that slippery slope any chance they get. A villain can be:
Someone who is consistently condescending towards other players, especially newer players
Someone who purposefully cheats or carelessly disregards the rules of the game
Someone who likes to insult other players
Someone who tilts and pouts whenever they’re behind or losing
Someone who intentionally rushes their opponent in order to get them to play faster and make a mistake (e.g., tapping your fingers, heavy sighs, giving your opponent “dirty” looks, saying “any day now”). NOTE: this is not to be confused with politely asking your opponent to be mindful of time left in the round and to pick up the pace to prevent a draw, or calling over a judge if your opponent is demonstrating excessive slow play.
and so on.
TIP: If you’re paired against a villain, the first thing you need to do is forget who you’re playing against and stop recognizing them as a villain. From there, focus solely on controlling your own thoughts and reactions. If you notice negative energy from your opponent, don’t acknowledge it. and do your best to be as positive as possible. It may sound woo-woo, but you really don’t have a choice if you want to perform your best during the match.
Ultimately, it’s in your best interest to steer clear of these players when you’re not paired against them. However, I encourage you to try to have empathy for these types of players. As I’ll discuss in #4, it’s important to remember that we all have different challenges we’re facing outside of the game. As awful as some players may seem, spare them your judgment and focus more on being your best.
#3: Digital disrespect is a factor. At the time of writing this article, many of us haven’t actually interacted with other players in-person in months. That said, disrespect is heavily prevalent in digital play. For example:
Using emotes in a disrespectful way. E.g., pressing “Your go” over and over again, pressing “Good game” when you’re about to win a game but your opponent is still in the middle of a decisive action.
Cursing, insulting or criticizing your opponent out loud. I see this often from some streamers, and I’ve seen it quite a bit in person. Even if you’re saying it from behind your computer screen and you don’t mean any ill towards your opponent, you’re still generating negative energy that will have an adverse effect on your gameplay.
Intentionally wasting your opponent’s time. On MTGA, intentionally letting the blue timer run all the way down before making a play, and repeating. Some players will do this when they’re losing in order to prolong a game and arm-twist a concession from their opponent.
Bad-mouthing yourself. Of course, this also applies to in-person play, and it’s the ultimate way to generate negative energy and ensure that it hinders your development. We all punt from time to time, but no matter how bad your play might have been, beating yourself up about it doesn’t actually reduce the likelihood that you’ll punt again in the future. If anything, it actually increases the likelihood and frequency of future punts, because you’re choosing to focus so much energy on that mistake. Without completely spoiling a future article, just know that the converse is incredibly true too. Stay tuned.
Digital disrespect may seem harmless since you have no way of telling whether or not it’s actually affecting your opponent. In many cases it won’t have any effect on your opponent. However, I strongly encourage you to think about the negative energy you’re creating and perpetuating when you demonstrate one of these behaviors. Sure, you may not affect your opponent, but you’re definitely promoting a toxic mindset within yourself. The same goes for in-person play.
#4: None of us are perfect. Even the best and most respectful players crack from time to time and demonstrate disrespectful behavior. We’re all facing different challenges in life outside of Magic, and we all have lousy days from time to time. Sometimes the game that we love brings out the worst in us, and losing can enhance any negativity you’re already feeling before you submit your decklist. It’s important to recognize when you’re not being the best version of yourself and take immediate steps to address it.
If you feel like you offended your opponent, give them a quick apology and move on. If you need to step outside to refocus and get some fresh air, go do it. If you need to drop from a tournament because you feel miserable, spare other players your negativity, go home and do something that makes you feel good. In this case, dropping isn’t quitting. It’s being smart and respectful, and it’s a way of positioning yourself for future success.
If you are someone who regularly demonstrates the behaviors listed in #2 and/or #3 and you’re ready to make a change, then you’ve come to the right place. Chin up - this is a no-judgment zone. Keep reading.
My Question to You
Is this: if you’re demonstrating disrespectful behavior in one way or another and embracing a toxic mindset, then how can you possibly turn losing into a positive and productive experience? How can you possibly improve at Magic?
Let me answer that one for you. YOU CAN’T.
Our poor attitudes typically arise when we become too fixated or dependent upon a need to win. It gets even worse if we’re (knowingly or unknowingly) in the dangerous habit of measuring our self-worth by whether or not we win.
If you find yourself too focused on the need to win, immediately reshape your thoughts. Shift your focus to playing the best you possibly can and improving at MTG. Go the extra mile and also focus on being the best person you possibly can.
If you’re approaching the game with external issues, do whatever it takes to address them. Take time off from the game if you need to so that you can truly take care of them. These issues are only holding you back from taking the next step towards your goals.
My Challenge to You
Think about what winning looks like, and envision the ideal, winning-est version of yourself. Is the winning-est version of yourself slouched back in your chair and cursing your opponent? Are you intentionally rushing your opponent to get them to make a mistake? Or are you feeling good and focusing on playing your very best Magic?
Likewise, if you’re the recipient of disrespect, challenge yourself to boost your positivity and maintain complete control of your thoughts. While we expect a certain level of decency from our opponents, competitive Magic isn’t supposed to be sunshine and daisies. Roll with the punches and double down on your focus on YOU.
If you’re a streamer who often tilts and verbally bashes your opponent, I encourage you to change your ways and use your platform to be a productive and positive influence on your audience, and on the MTG community as a whole.
Either way, the MTG community needs your positivity, not your toxicity. And if nothing else, your success in this game relies on your respect towards others and towards yourself.
Remember - being positive and respectful is a choice that anyone can make. Likewise, anyone can choose to avoid negativity and disrespectful behavior. I challenge you to make these choices every time you sit down to play Magic.
Be respectful. Position yourself to win more. Position yourself to improve.
Thanks for reading.
